Our whole world has entered into a collective grieving over the COVID-19 pandemic. Since early 2020, people have experienced grief over a wider spectrum of losses, often compounded with multiple losses at the same time:
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We all have expectations in regards to how we want to be treated or how we want life to go. Conflict can arise however when those expectations go unspoken or unnamed. Expectations are not bad things, but in today’s culture, both expectations and boundaries can get a bad rep.
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We see the benefits in setting boundaries when it comes to the quality of our air or food or keeping wild animals away from the public, but when it comes to boundaries with parents, spouses, children, or coworkers, it’s easy to miss the role they play in building healthy relationships.
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The dreaded teenage years. Ever wonder how you got here? Suddenly your mostly well-behaved, respectful kid is a landmine of emotions just waiting to explode.
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Ashamed, I avoided eye contact with the teacher and pretended to not pay attention. It was easier to pretend I wasn’t listening than to acknowledge the truth.
I did not want to admit that I couldn’t read as well as my other classmates. I felt behind and stupid. Each time I had to read aloud, my face felt hot and my palms began to sweat. How would I ever be able to read?
Everything changed when one teacher took the time to really help me. She began using a different curriculum and I immediately started to get the hang of reading. She believed I could read, equipped me to do so, and told me I was doing a good job. That teacher’s empowerment made all the difference to my first-grade self.
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I remember the first time I tried lifting weights. I was a kid and my dad had some weights stored in my playroom. I thought lifting weights looked fun. My sister and I asked my dad if we could try out a few bench presses. Despite our objections, my dad removed the stacks of weight from either side. He told us to start with just the bar. We rolled our eyes at his suggestion. Just the bar? Really? That sounded like baby stuff.
Well, to an experienced weightlifter, yes, just a bar is baby stuff. However, to two elementary school girls, it was not baby stuff. We were able to lift the bar…a couple times. A few lifts and we were done. Exhausted. Wiped out. Compared to our dad, we were weak. We wondered how we could ever lift weights like him.
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I mindlessly scrolled through social media at the end of a long day of travel. A stunning picture of my friend caught my eye. I read the caption, excited to see that she seemed to be doing so well.
Then I saw it.
The caption told the story.
She was no longer married.
My heart sank and questions began to flood my mind.
“What happened?”
“How could this happen to them?”
“Is any marriage safe?”
I remember the first time the holidays didn’t feel quite so merry. It was the year after my uncle died when I was nine. Sure, I remember there being presents galore, great food, and a lot of smiles, but there was something missing. Not just something, someone. There wasn’t the happy-go-lucky guy that used to sneak my sister and I across the street to play on the playground. There wasn’t my aunt or my cousin to laugh and play with. There wasn’t the vegetarian option that he always required. In other words, there was a hole. Chances are you too have some mixed emotions around holidays like I did after my uncle died.
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It was an afternoon break in an office full of people I still call “family.” M&M’s, pretzels, and Cheez-It crackers were shared across the table as the topic of vacuuming came up. Listening to my coworkers, I quickly learned how vastly different everyone’s vacuuming habits were. From one coworker that vacuumed every morning before work to another that vacuumed only when the company came to all those in between, my office was certainly divided on this issue. Being on the only-vacuum-when-company-comes end of this subject, I was baffled to learn that some people vacuum daily. I could not imagine ever being disciplined enough to accomplish a cleaning goal that lofty.
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Cold is not my thing. The fastest you’ll see me walk is through a parking lot in those brutal February months when the Oklahoma wind cuts right through you. During the summer, I’m willing to loiter a little. The winter is a different story.
Despite my disdain for cold weather, I know it’s good for me to be outside. Research shows that getting outside helps us relax and increases our productivity. So how do we do that when drinking hot cocoa by the fireplace feels a whole lot better? (Or, for you warm-blooded folks, sitting in front of the AC with a cup of sweet tea sounds better).
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